Diary:Satan (Meta, 20)
From Compile Worlds
Not to be confused with the page Satan's Diary, which is speculation about Madou Monogatari (SEGA Saturn)
Page 1
Bwahahahaha!!! Carbuncle has been successfully returned to me! Now all that remains is for my beloved Arle to appear so that I may reveal to her my latest attempt at a Honeymoon under the stary sky! This time, we will be together forever! ♥
...Oh! That's her already! Got to go! :D
Page 2a (oh no not again)
Yes...YES! The pieces were falling into place! Arle Nadja was here at last! ...Along with all of her friends. Oh well, not a moment too soon, I suppose, seeing as how I've just completed my plans. Oh! And I even thought to show Arle all of my wonderful drawings of us spending time together! ♥ Back in my day, I was somewhat of a doujinshi artist. Never expected that one, eh? Ahem... Anyway, these fools were trying to stir up trouble, one of them even said I didn't exist. The nerve! Does he KNOW WHO HE'S TALKING TO?! I was going to prove them all wrong god dammit!... Until that damned dragon lady slapped me with her tail. ;_; LIPS ARE A VERY SENSITIVE PART OF THE BODY I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, AND SHE WAS RUDE ENOUGH TO SMACK ME RIGHT WHEN I WAS PUCKERING FOR A KISS. Furthermore, that wretched dark pervert showed up and tried to defile my good name even more. What is this?! "Everyone picks on Satan day?!" BAH! I've had enough of this nonsense!
But then, Arle set my head on Fire. Oh my sweet sweet Arle... you light more than my head on fire... you make heart blaze like Hell itself... ♥_♥ O-Of course though, having your head catch on fire is painful and bad for your hair, so I ran around and screamed. What? Do you really expect me not to in the face of such blazen danger? However, I had activated my trump card: MY AUTOMATICALLY LOADING ROCKET SHIP!!! MWAHAHAHA! FOOLS! DO YOU REALLY EXPECT TO OUTWIT ME, THE KING OF THE ABYSS? But then, and this is something else, that annoying songstress and Draco somehow managed to teleport into my rocket with no effort at all. How? How?! HOW?!?! THIS ROCKET WAS HALFWAY TO THE MOON ALREADY. THERE IS NO WAY THIS SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED. I MADE THIS WORLD AND MADE IT'S RULES. WHO IN THE HELL ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN?! NOT I!!!
I... I'm calm now. No worries. It's just a random happenstance Deus Ex Machina. It happens all the time right? I kept my cool and decided the best way to approach this problem was the simplest one; I merely pushed Harpy out of the rocket. Haha! Yes! Remember who your maker is, you sheet covered angelic trash! But then Draco clutched onto her desperate for her safety. It was almost pathetic. I could've shed a tear, but I didn't. I'm better than that, they do not need nor deserve my pity. I instinctively casted one of my more powerful spells to finish them off, but then, Arle and that Draco teamed up on me! Why this, on the day of my honeymoon? And then, Carby's laser caused the rocket to fly back to Earth...
The rocket crashed and burnt, just like my hopes and dreams of a Honeymoon with Arle. Rulue and her annoying Mino appeared as well, what rotten luck! Everyone I hate just suddenly showed up today. I had to think of a diversion and make my get-away... there was no way I would succeed with that pervert and that crazed so-called queen on my tail. I was hungry, and Cake was the first thing that entered my mind, so I blurted out "Oh, look! A big 15-layer super deluxe Chocolate Turtle Cake!" I admit, this was a hasty plan that was not well thought, but apparently the Mino had actually brought a cake! I took the oppourtunity to abuse my Portal Master™ Powers and materialize a smoke bomb for me to commit my daring escape with! I shall scheme again!!!
Page 2b
AND FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE ABYSS I RISE AGAIN! I appeared dramatically before Arle and her friends again, and boldly declared I had prepared a back up plan! To be honest, though, I had actually only decided minutes ago that this would be my course of action. Nothing like good old Improv once in awhile, you know? I immediately abused my Evil Powers Of Hell™ to change the time of day to a perfectly starry evening, setting the stage for a more humble Honeymoon still under a starry sky. Arle was as hard to crack as ever, refusing me even after I created this picture-esque setting for us. Oh, how my heart aches. ;_; There was some strange whispering. Arle then asked me for a strange favor; to remove a hex that had been cast on Seririrrrrrrrrrrrrr... bah! Whatever the hell that mermaid's name is. Cunning as I was, I agreed to repair the mermaid's freedom of speech, but only on the condition that Arle should finally relent and spend some quality time with her husband to be! And, she took it! SHE TOOK THE BAIT! I AM HAVING A ROMANTICAL[sic] EVENING WITH ARLE NADJA!!! MWAA HAA HAA HAAA!!!
I had nearly forgotten about my end of the bargain in my glee until Draco rudely reminded me to take care of that loose end before my little excursion. It was a very simple fix really. She was back to talking and pretending to be a land-dweller in no time. I'm not sure why none of them knew a spell that could lift such a simple hex, but I was thankful for it regardless. Firstly, we should begin our date by taking Carby with us to a nice evening at the Amusement Park. Of course, no romantic evening is complete without a ride on the Tunnel of Love! ♥ As we rode, I complimented Arle's beautiful hair, though she only told me mine was "just OK." It was a bit of an unusual remark, but I gave Arle the benefit of the doubt; perhaps it was just some of her first class sarcasm at work and what she really meant was that she loved my hair! ♥_♥
After that ride, my next destination was, of course, a dinner for two in a fancy tepan restaurant! You can't have a perfectly cliche romance without Dinner and a Movie... or rather, Dinner and an Amusement ride, in this case. Rulue was our server for some reason... But who cares? I was with Arle! She couldn't possibly interfere now that she can see this irrefutable display of affection and romance! I ordered my usual the Fufufu Special... along with a coca cola and some curry. Now, I'll have you know that this place's curry is no Arle's Delicious Curry™, but it was of a fine quality none the less. Rulue delivered rather quickly. Yes, good, she understands. Although, I think my fish was still a bit raw, because it was still talking to me when I took a bite of it. Suddenly... a strange feeling overcame me... I... I... I WAS...--
[The rest of the page has been furiously scribbled out. It appears to drag on for quite awhile though. The scribbles are so thick that the ink bled through the page in several areas.]
Page 2c
What... What have I done? Oh no. Oh no. This cannot be real. This has to be a Fever Dream. A nightmare! Yes! This is all just a big, horrible, dream! No... NO. I did that. It really happened. A dream fades from your consciousness, but this... this was real. This actually happened. This took... actually took place. No! NO!
How?! How could I have let this happen... My hands...! Soiled! Sullied! Ruined! I have sinned! If there was a Hell for people like me, I would be sent there for sure! My beloved Arle... How could she ever look me in the eye again? How can she ever trust me again? After I did that...? N-no... NO! It's not like that! I was played! Fooled! Bamboozled! How dare!!! HOW DARE!!!
It only occurred to me moments later that there was an audience witnessing my sinful acts. I hastily retreated with a makeshift cover-all, though Draco burned it...
Note to the gods; if this series of events ever becomes A video game, please for the love of all that is sacred and politically correct, PLEASE omit this entire sequence of events! I mean it! If you release a game containing this to the public I'll hunt you down and gut you like a fish!!!
Page 3
I am taking a haitus from writing in this journal. I cannot bear to look at those words that I etched in it only a night ago. I must distract myself and resume my normal life.
Pages 4-7
[Satan did not write in the diary for several days. Perhaps the events that had happened in the last episode weighed too heavily on him to allow him to write.]
Page 8
I decided that the best way to recuperate was to just carry on as if nothing happened. After all, it's not like any of that ever happened, right guys? Strangely, my magic told me Arle had located to a rather shabby shack on the beach. Why on earth would Arle stoop so low? She deserves better, and with the Honeymoon Estate I'd built for the two of us, she WILL get better! ♥ Once again I dared to face Arle and ask for her hand, in hopes that I would receive her affections. Unfortunately, there was a strange witch there. At first, I thought her spells that summoned Puyo would aid me in my efforts, passing them off as wedding gifts, but alas. As I announced that I had spent 56,897,009 American Dollars on DIAMONDS for Arle, the Puyo turned against me, and I was forced to retreat. This calls for more... drastic measures.
Pages 9-15
[Satan has once again stopped writing in the journal. However, diagrams of a meteor and some spells, as well as a large, nondescript sky scrapper, are scribbled on the pages, with various illegible notes.]
