Character-killing conspiracy theory (ConceptClass, 8)

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tagged since July 28 , 2009

The Cream conspiracy theory is a conspiracy theory believed in mainly by Chao, but he hopes to have more followers after writing this page (Follow me! Set me Free!). It involves infamous third party developer SEGA using various means to kill off popular semi-minor Sonic the Hedgehog characters, mainly the titular Cream the Rabbit, and replace them with Shoe-ins and other crappy new characters.

Some other characters this conspiracy aims to kill include:

• Vanilla the Rabbit
• Big the Cat
• The Chaotix, including Espio the Chameleon, Charmy the Bee and Vector the Crocodile
• the Chao

History

This is a history of events that prove the conspiracy to actually be happening. Observe below and become absorbed under our rule while I go get a soda or something:

Big is attacked!

In Sonic Adventure 2: Battle, 99.9% of Big's random and pointlessly hilarious cameos were removed. In addition he was replaced by a stupid Dark Chao in multiplayer mode, causing more frustration to Action Replay hackers and their inability to play as the damn thing outside of 2P mode. Adding more insult to Big's injury was the lack of any other changes from the Dreamcast original besides structural changes in the Chao Gardens.

Team Rose: SEGA's little in-jokes...

In Sonic Heroes, Cream and Big formed Team Rose with Amy Rose. They served as a tutorial team, leading to a pestering by Omochao (who tells you Eggman and Cornelia made love to each other). This could be a sign of what SEGA thinks of all three of these characters. It could also tell us though that Big is a pimping paedophile with some lust for prepubescent and adolescent children. Almost as bad as Robotnik's little Pingas scandal waay back when. Aahh those were the days...

SADX =/= good port...

NO WAY! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS: Here's a big Fuck You to SEGA for not making Cream's model in Sonic Adventure DX the same format as the other characters'. Would it have hurt you too much, SEGA. HOW CAN I MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND?!

FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM!

AHA! AHA! AHA! HEY SHADOW LETS GO FOR A LITTLE RIDE! AHA! AHA! AHA! Sound familiar? If so, You've probably played Shadow the Hedgehog, or just like listening to Blackarms Studios productions. Either way, this infamous quote brought insult to the Chaotix. Also insulting was the ability to shoot Cream after finding her, and harm numerous innocent Chao as well, while Amy would just sit there and watch you murder her best friend (and I swear you can hear Popcorn crunching, too).

The Olympics suck: Toad > SEGA

Don't plan on sponsoring next years' Beijing Olympics without protest sings, pitchforks and torches! Cream, Big, Epsio, Charmy, and even poor Toad were turned into stupid annoying referees for the Olympics. It is very insulting when you can find that they otherwise made the game perfect, complete with a Ronald McDonald happy meal prrrrrrrrrrromotion. There was so much shit backing this games promises it wasn't funny. But it was a let down. Epic fail for SEGA dissing on Toad.

Crikey! Bossy Aussie makes a malicious appearance.

Threatening Cream the most is the appearance of Marine the Raccoon, a character with an eerily similar appearance to our poor neglected friend. The damn bitch is most likely to annoy you through out the duration of the game, and was likely created to actually take Cream's place for the game. It's also sad that now people have forgotten all about Cream X Blaze from Sonic Rush in favor of a more twisted Blaze X Marine. More bullshit is that this little evil thing got a Sonic Channel page BEFORE Captain Whisker.

Big's not so triumphant return in... Cream's Revenge...?

Before the release Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood, Bioware ramted and raved about how the game would be Big's triumphant return to glory on the series, and how much of a role he would play in the story. Unfortunately, Big's role was limited to pretty much the first half of the game, and he was practically useless as a party member; you only really needed him to get through the fog in the Mystic Ruins and other deadly traps in Metropolis. Even that use, however, could be out cast by Shade and e-123 Omega's abilites, both of which were also more useful outside of Impervious/Stealth. Ironically, Cream starred as a "secret" party member(Her mug was leaked via screenshot by Bioware themselves, not to mention her profile in the instruction manual), and she turned out to be the best party member in the game, tied with Eggman and Shade, due to her massive healing capabilities and relatively decent offensive capabilities(She could still do decent damage). Adding to the irony is Tails and Rouge's utter weakness and uselessness.

Vancouver is as stupid as China >_<

Apparently, SEGA, the Olympics, and Vancouver apparently didn't learn anything from the Beijing fiasco, as they appear to be heading on the same path of stupidity yet again, with Toad "starring" as a "support character" in Marion and Sonic at the Vancouver Olympics' story mode, likely foreshadowing his non-playability in the DS version. There are still possible spots open for 2-4 characters on each side. Likely, Cream, Big, Charmy, and Espio will be overlooked much like Toad. However, fans are keeping their fingers crossed for a playable appearance of Rosalina on Mario's side. Metal Sonic and Silver are a plus though. DK is also in as well. While many only half care, he probably should have been in it all along.

Big's REAL return to glory?

Rumours have surfaced of Big being playable in Sonic and Sega All Stars Racing, although such a selfless kind act would be quite a feat for SEGA. Turns out, these rumors were true, although Kumizonians have yet to test weather he is actually superior to any other racers, though it's hard to beat out characters like Opa Opa, Billy Hatcher and Alex Kidd.

That's horrible! How can we stop this?!

Well, my friend, there are only three tools that we can use now to save our beloved friends from certain doom in the scrap heap.

The Protest, The Riot, and the Strike

Strike against games that don't have Cream! Repel games that don't give love to Big! Protest! Kill anybody who buys these shitty games on opening day! Start a mass riot at your local Best Buy! We must defeat these monsters!

WE MUST FIGHT IN THE NAME OF THESE POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS!

In pain~ In need~ They come flocking to my cauldron crying-*bricked*

My point is... join me dammit, and let us cause the greatest uproar SEGA has ever seen... MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HAA~!

and one more thing....

KILL THE NON-BELIEVERS!!!!