Character-killing conspiracy theory (ConceptClass, 8)

From Compile Worlds

Revision as of 14:33, 2 April 2009

The Cream conspiracy theory is a conspiracy theory believed in mainly by Chao, but he hopes to have more followers after writing this page (Follow me! Set me Free!). It involves infamous third party developer SEGA using various means to kill off popular minor Sonic the Hedgehog characters, mainly the titular Cream the Rabbit, and replace them with Shoe-ins and other crappy new characters.

Some characters this conspiracy aims to kill include:

• Cream the Rabbit
• Vanilla the Rabbit
• Big the Cat
• The Chaotix, including Espio the Chameleon, Charmy the Bee and Vector the Crocodile
• the Chao

History

This is a history of events that prove the conspiracy to actually be happening. Observe below and become absorbed under our rule while I go get a soda or something:

Big is attacked!

In Sonic Adventure 2: Battle, 99.9% of Big's random pointlessly hilarious cameos were removed. In addition he was replaced by a stupid Dark Chao in multiplayer mode, causing more frustration to Action Replay hackers and their inability to play as the damn thing outside of 2P mode. Adding more insult to Big's injury was the lack of any other changes from the Dreamcast original besides structural changes in the Chao Gardens.

Team Rose: SEGA's little in-jokes...

In Sonic Heroes, Cream and Big formed Team Rose with Amy Rose. They served as a tutorial team, leading to a pestering by Omochao (who tells you Eggman and Cornelia made love to each other). This could be a sign of what SEGA thinks of all three of these characters. It could also tell us though that Big is a pimping paedophile with some lust for prepubescent and adolescent children. Almost as bad as Robotnik's little Pingas scandal waay back when. Aahh those were the days...

SADX =/= good port...

NO WAY! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS: Here's a big FU to SEGA for not making Cream's model in Sonic Adventure DX the same format as the other characters'. Would it have hurt you too much, SEGA. HOW CAN I MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND?!

FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM!

AHA! AHA! AHA! HEY SHADOW LETS GO FOR A LITTLE RIDE! AHA! AHA! AHA! Sound familiar? If so, You've probably played Shadow the Hedgehog, or just like listening to Blackarms Studios productions. Either way, it brought insult to the Chaotix. Also insulting was the ability to shoot Cream after finding her, and harm numerous innocent Chao as well, while Amy would just sit there and watch you murder her best friend (and I swear you can hear Popcorn crunching, too).

The Olympics suck: Toad > SEGA

Don't plan on sponsoring next years' Beijing Olympics without protest sings, pitchforks and torches! Cream, Big, Epsio, Charmy, and even poor Toad were turned into stupid annoying referees for the Olympics. It is very insulting when you can find that they otherwise made the game perfect, complete with a Ronald McDonald happy meal prrrrrrrrrrromotion. There was so much shit backing this games promises it wasn't funny. But it was a let down. Epic fail for SEGA dissing on Toad.

Crikey! Bossy Aussie makes a malicious appearance.

Threatening Cream the most is the appearance of Marine the Raccoon, a character with an eerily similar appearance to our poor neglected friend. The damn bitch is most likely to annoy you through out the duration of the game, and was likely created to actually take Cream's place for the game. It's also sad that now people have forgotten all about Cream X Blaze from Sonic Rush in favor of a more twisted Blaze X Marine. More bullshit is that this little evil thing got a Sonic Channel page BEFORE Captain Whisker.

That's horrible! How can we stop this?!

Well, my friend, there are only three tools that we can use now to save our beloved friends from certain doom in the scrap heap.

The Protest, The Riot, and the Strike

Strike against games that don't have Cream! Repel games that don't give love to Big! Protest! Kill anybody who buys these shitty games on opening day! Start a mass riot at your local Best Buy! We must defeat these monsters!

WE MUST FIGHT IN THE NAME OF THESE POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS!

In pain~ In need~ They come flocking to my cauldron crying-*bricked*

My point is... join me dammit, and let us cause the greatest uproar SEGA has ever seen... MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HAA~!