Final Fantasy 11 (InstanceTopic, 19)

From Compile Worlds

Final Fantasy 11 (abbreviated FFXI) is an MMORPG made by Square Enix. It involves playing for hours to kill monsters and eventually just die yourself cause you need five other people to kill things with you. Unless, of course, you are an RDM, in which case you pwn things all the time. Just very slowly.

Races

Hume

The human race. Humes are the only race in Final Fantasy 11 that have no special ability besides looking normal. Female humes also have the large boobies.

Elvaan (aka Elf)

Men look girly and girls look manly. Sexy isn't it? You come from France and prance around showing your midriff. Your prince is a douche and you are only good at using a sword.

Mithra

Female only catgirls (except for the 1 manthra they all mate with, obviously). They have the ability to look sexy and run fast after they steal everything from your gil sack. Run you friken thief! RUN!

Tarutaru

A race of super-awesome magical casters that, no matter their age or gender, look like they are about 5 years old. They are short and have good evasion thus they are never spotted in long grass and easily drown in swampy areas.

Galka

Slaves to the humes who caused one galka much butthurt, making him become the second ultimate evil (the first being Maat). They are really bad at dying.

Jobs

Warrior

Has both attack and defense, meaning you suck at both. The first third of the game, you will suck at tanking, and then after that, everyone will notice it and you get to deal damage with any weapon you want since you have skill in all of them!!!! Around endgame you will be good for exp parties and nothing else.

Thief

You can steal stuff that nobody wants. Your damage will come from everyone and the monsters being in the exact right place. Good luck with that. Also you get about 1% better drop rate that people would die without.

Monk

Your ability puts you on speed for about 45 seconds but you'll probably only live for 20.

White Mage

The only actual needed class in endgame, but only the insane level it cause you need to be insane to wield that friken hammer!

Black Mage

You can sleep things. Other than that, you suck till endgame; then you can cast 1 big huge attack that uses up all your MP.

Red Mage

Huzzah! WHITE MAGIC, BLACK MAGIC, A SWORD, SHIELD, ATTACK AND DEFENSE!!!!!! Srsly, you'll be so thinly spread you go insane. About halfway through you can make yourself have unlimited power and put white mages out of a job. Not anymore. WHM becamse uber kick ass last update so now they are on even with the RDM

Paladin

Spells suck and attack is worthless so you're stuck as the main tank for the rest of forever. Defense is crazy but monsters usually ignore it making you the sacrificial lamb most of the time.

Dark Knight

Played by emos who cut themselves to deal more damage. Have crapass magic and usually get killed in 1 hit.

Beastmaster

Let's you dominate animals and make them your slaves.

Ranger

Let's you use guns. (not till top level d'oh) Used to be the best damage output in the game, but one simple patch took care of that.

Bard

The best class in the game. WRONG! Nobody wants to be one, but everyone wants one. All you do is play music to make everyone's power level over 9000. Easy mode on heroin.

Summoner

Played by kiddies who like hiding behind things that fight for them. Most useless class to have in a party, as their summons suck. Now they have even lost their only good point to the scholar. Under no circumstances should you ever invite them to a party.

Dragoon

You use a spear and call little dragons. They wear a ugly purple gimp suit that not even Mithra look good in.

Ninja

Can use two swords and do ninja shit. Created to be a damage dealer and enfeebler but everyone found out they sucked too much ass at that. Now they tank things because Ninja's aren't supposed to be highly noticed by everyone and everything.

Samurai

Overpowered crazy weapons. You can take hits and deal damage. Prepare for the nerf.

Blue Mage

Think Red Mage, except that you have to defeat monsters for the skills and you're wearing blue, plus more stats suck (try saying that five times fast). Said monsters are a pain to find, though.

Corsair

Do what you want cause a pirate is free! You are a pirate!

Puppetmaster

See Summoner.

Dancer

Like Bard, but completely gimp, and the males are flaming gay and the females are obvious whores. They are also forced to use the weakest weapon in the game to function at all. You'll find yourself being unwanted by most parties and by endgame no one will want you at all.

Scholar

A real gray mage.

Nations

Players can choose which nation they swear their allegiance to when they begin the game.

San d'Oria

Home of the Elvaans, its benefits include loose marriage laws and a P.A. system that plays endless bagpipe music. When they're not dying of the bubonic plague, they're in a permanent deadlock with those badass level 3 orcs just outside the gate.

Bastok

Home of the Humes and Galkas, its benefits include welfare, a slave underclass, and a charismatic president. They are the technological leaders of the world, having invented the steam engine, and elevators while the other nations still wander around with sharp sticks.

Windurst

Home of the Tarutaru and Mithra, its benefits include lots of hot women that will have nothing to do with you (just like real life) and Loli. All of its NPC residents seem to have varying forms of a national speech impediment. Examples include ending every word in '-ethy', and using words like partnereeeenos. The Tarutaru have 5 schools of magic sciences, like altering plants, making creepy as hell robots made from a magically animated seed from a big-ass tree, traditional black magic, book making, etc.

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