Internet Explorer (ConceptTopic, 11)
From Compile Worlds
"about:jesus" bug
Internet Explorer, posing as a cool web browser, is widely known for sending complete logs of a computer's usage, including screenshots, webcam footage, voice recording, keystrokes, and all of the computers passwords, history and cookies, and for being the most used web browser by Myspace users. It also ignores any form of standards in order to keep it's grip on the market share. As once said by Scientology front Microsoft, "The best way to avoid solving a problem is ignorance."
The "browser" was a great success, but it had not fulfilled it's purpose.
Jesus Explorer
The first release of Internet Explorer, also known as Jesus Explorer, was the first attempt by Scientology to kill Jesus. It contained support for blinking text; originally this was used by the religion to hypnotize people and force them to kill Jesus. However, n00bs used this as bling-bling for their Geocities pages, and started a chain reaction of n00b-like practices among users of the internet, much like guest books, web rings and visiting 4chan.
about:jesus
Jesus Explorer 2.0 had a strange bug where the contents of a page, address bar and title bar text (but interestingly, not the task bar text) would be replaced with "about:jesus" for fifteen seconds. This bug, which occurred randomly, was annoying and pissed people off. What many did not know is that this was a failed attempt to destroy Jesus using his minions. Scientology later learned that blinking text does not and can never in any case cause hypnosis as they previously assumed.
There were many other "features" which would often result in a redirect to the Church of Scientology homepage, such as the Favorites list and the PrivacyGuard error page.
Microsoft Internet Explorer
Because of the spread of intelligence and Netscape (and later Mozilla Firefox) via the internet, Scientology quickly lost it's effectiveness in promoting bullshit. To counter this, Scientology brutally raped Microsoft CEO Bill Gates several times with old fat employees until he agreed to sell the internet browser under the Microsoft name.
The result was Microsoft Internet Explorer 3, the worst browser ever created in the history of web browsers. Because people were still completely retarded when it came to internets, it was an even bigger success and Scientology seems to have won the battle at this point.
Jesus Fights Back
Jesus retaliated by forming 3 competitor projects over time.
- KHTML-based Safari. Mostly known as a failure, Jesus realized his mistake in choosing Apple for his business.
- Mozilla Firefox. A pretty good success as far as web browsers go, Jesus makes a come back.
- Google Chrome. Jesus strikes browsing gold when he influences the creation of Chrome, a new type of web browser.
It's also assumed that Jesus has redeemed or punished all Scientologists working in Microsoft, causing some nicer stuff, like Internet Explorer 8, to happen. It's still a two-pump chump at this moment, though, and the latter two competitor projects still prove superior to all.
