Diary:Draco (Meta, 22)

<[#ontology [kind meta] [cats Diary Draco_Centauros]]>
== Page 2a ==
Everything started in a [[Random Field]] when I challenged [[Arle]] to a [[beauty contest]] on a [[spur of the moment]]. For some reason, though, she insisted on a [[Puyo battle]] instead. I decided to take that as a sign that she was just forfeiting, how smart she was knowing she'd not be able to beat me in a beauty contest eh? ^^ Anyway, some kind of [[esper]] power or something told me we ought to be finding [[Satan]]. I'm not sure why I suggested as such, but I guess it turned out for the best. Well, we got a little distracted with [[Popoi]]'s [[black metal|lame so-called music]], so I incinerated his [[stereo]] to speed things along, only to be called a [[racist]] asshole. Somehow, the terrible music also attracted [[Harpy (Madou Monogatari)|Harpy]], whose singing was a little better.

Next we were interrupted by [[Lagnus the Brave]], in kid form, who offered to off the off-key singer (see what I did there?). Harpy chastised him, and in response he gave innocent [[Rider]] a smack and somehow leveled up from it. I decided to stand up for her, and for some reason, we had to do this through a Puyo battle too. [[Accord]] thought it was funny and made some [[popcorn]] for her and her pet, and Arle decided to take after her and make some [[curry]]. I made short work of that rude warrior wannabe, and we got to Satan's lair, [[like, finally]].

We arrived just as [[Satan]]'s plans were being completed, or so he said anyway. Why do villains always reveal their plans anyway? Seems kinda stupid if you ask me. He claimed that he was about to have the best [[honeymoon]] ever, though he'd never had one in the first place and I was quick to correct him. Klug insisted that Satan was [[Crowning Moment of Funny|just a cosplaying idiot]], though everyone else knew this wasn't true... well, shall I say half true, Satan is rather the idiot. But back to important matters... I quickly put a stop to his nonsense with a well-timed [[tail slap]], and offered him a [[seat]] in true [[Chris Hansen]] style. After all, I can't let him have his way with poor Arle... I haven't even had my chance with her yet, and he's had how many..?

At this point, Schezo arrived. He seemed intent on taking out Satan, good. But almost immediately he revealed that he was only here to take Arle away from him, and therefore from me, so I knew I'd be pit against him at some point. I hold back for the moment and let them duke it out, and Arle helps by setting Satan's head on fire. However, Satan appears to have an ace up his sleeve, and a [[crane]] appears from nowhere, grabs Arle and shoves her in [[Satan's Rocket|a rocket]], into which Harpy soon inexplicably [[teleport]]s. Somehow, I also teleport, perhaps through sheer [[determination]] to save Arle from Satan's clutches. Satan attempts to expel Harpy from his getaway vehicle, but I grab onto her. I suggest Arle use her [[Fire]] attack in time with mine, but for some reason she decides to use [[Ice Storm]] instead. Arle attacks him more, and [[Carbuncle]] even uses his [[laser beam]]. This causes the rocket to go on a crash course (jeez, that didn't last long!) and Harpy and I take to flying to avoid any harm from that.

A number of people show up at this point. First [[Yu]], of which I'm not really sure what the point was so [[Isn't it sad?|we'll just ignore her]]. Accord decides to throw a piece of [[chalk]] at Satan, though this doesn't faze him in the slightest. But most interestingly, [[Rulue]] appears and I'm quick to point out that she'd be a perfect match for him, but as always, he's not interested. Eventually, he gives up (for now) and disappears using a [[smoke bomb]].

== Page 2b ==
Or not 2b, that is [[Karkat|THE STUPIDEST AND MOST OVERUSED CLICHE FUCKING QUESTION EVER]]

I'm sorry, I think I got possessed by an [[alien]] for a moment. But it's bad form to erase something you write in your diary, and it's not like anyone else is ever going to read this.

Some dude apparently called Lemres shows up at this point, offering candy. I take some and roast it while trying to ignore some [[Kirby|stupid pink blob]]'s unintelligible comments... luckily Accord does away with that thing, though this causes Lemres to take his leave too. But we are not even left alone for a second, as the next person to show up is some Mr. [[Sig]]. Man, all these [[Primp]]ians are hard to remember... oh well, I'm sure I'll get used to them eventually. Anyway, almost no later than he shows up does he compliment my appearance, so that must be a good thing! Klug however decides to take the opportunity to insult me, and then Arle, Rider and Accord, before said teacher decides she's had enough and kicks him the hell out of there.

Now Amitie comes back, and Accord decides it's time for a [[magic show]]. Arle's pretty tired though, so she goes home. For Accord's first trick, she conjures a [[cardboard box]] out of nowhere. Yes. What an amazing trick, [[sarcasm|eh?]] She then proceeds to conjure [[Dr. Eggman|an insane fat bald guy]] from the box, who goes on some rant about what I have no idea before being stuffed back into the box and disappearing. I get the feeling Accord didn't intend any of that, which makes this a pretty lousy magic show.

Next to appear from the box is someone far more realistic looking, and I soon find out it is another [[Pimp]] I mean Primpian who goes by the name of [[Feli]]. She greets everyone politely, only to be rewarded with some kind of [[sinus curse]], though she's able to cure herself of that. I get the feeling that this Ms. Accord is not a very nice teacher to have, yet she seems to be the only teacher in Primp, so God help the kiddies here.

Next to show is [[Amy Rose|a pink anthro hedgehog girl]] who looks just as out of place as that fat guy earlier. She is apparently looking for someone called [[Sonic]], and seems quite polite. Rider's hands morphed into jets and she went WOOOOSH! In the words of [[Amitie]] anyway, that was such a hilarious thing she said I'd never forget something like that... but that was apparently another one from [[Accord's bag of tricks]]. Harpy generously offers to sing to Amy, though she ends up not liking her song either, though this one is somehow good enough that I end up dancing to it. Also, at this point, I suddenly remember I got that [[blue]] [[Chaos Emerald|gem]] from the fat guy, which is apparently called an emerald, even though it's blue.

== Page 2c ==
Ms. Accord dropped something. No, not something - someone. It took a while for me to recognise her, but it was none other than [[Seriri]] who dropped out of Accord's sleeve a couple of inches tall. Soon enough, though, she magically grows back to normal size, and complains about needing water, so being a good Samaritan I carry her to the nearby [[Lake of Alicubi]] and she starts to sing, which everybody finds much better than Harpy's singing earlier. But suddenly, she starts to cough uncomfortably.

Sounds like more of Accord's nasty work, so I finally call her out on it. There's a short argument before she mutes Seriri and attempts to solicit an innocent Amitie onto her side. Suddenly, Arle appears again, and I plead that she use some of her magic to restore Seriri's voice. Accord turns on Arle now, so I give the evil teacher a quick roasting. Somehow, it turns into a Puyo battle AGAIN, and near the end of the long match she gets 2 big puyo in a row which we all know is impossible so I call her out on cheating... but then she loses, so [[it's totally okay]], I guess.

After a short exchange of numbers and punctuation marks, Satan randomly appears again, apparently armed with a backup plan. Arle is just as unkeen as ever on his honeymoons, but I get her to accept it in exchange for Satan unmuting Seriri, who gave me a thank-you hug. D'aww. Arle comes back before very long, though, and apparently Satan gave up on her and went out with Rulue, which raised an eyebrow, but whatever.

Sig comments on how making out sounds like fun, so I immediately use this as an excuse to... uh... yeah. With the Arle I've been wanting for so long. Err... -blush- Sadly, it wasn't too good, since she didn't respond (Of course, it would never be that easy would it?). She claims I must have been deluded into thinking she was a guy or something, which is absolutely preposterous, what backwards thinking, doesn't she know that [[Everyone in Gensokyo is Gay]]? Well, this isn't [[Gensokyo]], but it's pretty close, after all, the only guys around here are [[Incubus|jerks]], [[Satan|jerks]], [[Klug|jerks]] and a [[Sig|geek]].

After a brief argument about homosexuality, Seriri pipes up about what Accord did to her, and I sympathise, promising revenge on Accord (and her pet cat who is apparently also involved in this) and comforting her. Soon Rider falls from the sky, and she was apparently tortured by Accord too, in the form of being forced to eat nothing but [[Taco Bell]] for months on end. I suggest she try some of Arle's delicious curry, and of course it turns into everyone having some, prompting Seriri to require profanities to express how delicious it is.

== Page 2d ==
After a good meal of curry, the conversation quickly turns to how Accord might be planning more horrible things. Rider screams when she hears Sig say he's going back to his dorm, and stops him, for fear of him becoming Accord's latest target. Or maybe he already is? Apparently he does worse than [[Cirno]] in school, but Accord just praises him for his work... either there's some [[favoritism]] going on, or she's planning something "special" for him, perhaps worse than what she had planned for Seriri. o_o

That's when we get interrupted, and I guess it's a good thing to distract us all from these thoughts of Accord. A girl calling herself [[Mikki]] arrives out of nowhere. I say hi and flip my tail cheerfully, while Amitie introduces her to Sig... wait, where'd Sig go? Seems he just left... that could be bad given the recent events. Anyway, Mikki requests a Puyo Puyo match, which she loves to call a "Puyo POP" match for some reason, whatever that is... I have to turn her down, as I've already used up all my Puyo on Accord, but Rider takes her on. Very slowly. Very, very slowly...

...I think my popcorn already ran out while she was building her chain...

Oh, wait, then it was over. Rider just lost under a ton of trash, of course she did. I mean, no offense to her, but you can't really not lose when you go that slowly. Well, now that the Puyo match is over, Mikki decides to help us look for Sig.

Before we get far, I stumble upon [[Witch (MM)|Mitsuki]], who's sleeping by a tree and mumbling some rather strange thoughts... then... wha? She just grabbed onto me! Get off, get off! It's Arle I'm after, not you! I quickly get away and use the chance to latch onto Arle, trying to "protect" her from the weird witch. Apparently she wants to do lewd things involving blueberry muffins. I don't get it. Well, thankfully, she falls back to sleep and leaves us alone before Arle has a chance to realise I'm still holding onto her.

Sadly though, that's not the end of the weird people. Next it's a [[Chao]] who bumps into us singing about apples and all sorts of other fruit. I try to convince him that curry is much better, especially Arle's, but somehow it's Mikki asking for one of his mangos (''after'' he's offered us all samples) that gets him all annoyed, before he runs off. Okay, good, can we get on with the Sig search now..?

== Page 2e ==
Well, before we can get back to the Sig search, he appears right before us. That was easy! Except... wait. Swearing and insulting Arle? That's not Sig. And sure enough, he too runs off, only to be replaced by Accord! Arle instantly accuses her of doing something to Sig, and Accord admits that Arle isn't wrong. She then proceeds to throw a stick of chalk at Mitsuki - who's appeared from nowhere again - and then on quite a different scale entirely throws a freakin' ''brick'' at poor Mikki.

Mikki once again insists on a Puyo match, and Accord plays dirty, turning Mikki's legs to stone. Mitsuki joins in though, and Accord's glasses fall off from her attack. She retorts by cursing Amitie, making her fat! Now she's done it! I forego the Puyo match entirely, choosing to give her a literal kick in the face instead before pinning her down. Seriri helps, smacking her with her tail, but then Accord mutes Seriri. Mikki comes to the rescue though, undoing the curses - and thankfully getting Amitie back to her usual fit shape again - while Mitsuki demands to know what the evil teacher's up to.

Accord tries to bribe Mitsuki with a blueberry muffin, since she loves them so much, but she refuses, and when Accord finally finds her glasses Mitsuki smashes them up entirely. You know, as weird as the witch is, I think we could probably get along with her, she seems pretty capable at sticking up for us at least. Seriri asks to see Sig, and that's when Accord crosses the line: she turned Sig into a baby. SHE TURNED SIG INTO A BABY. I am not shitting you, ''she turned Sig into a freaking baby''. But even though my blood's boiling, she goes off on one of those rants, you know, those villain's rants that seem to come with a spell where they can't do anything to you and you can't do anything to them while they're yabbering away. And then she turns into a snake and flees, the darn coward.

== Page 2f ==

... ... ...

[After a series of ellipses, there are unintelligible squiggles on the page, with a hole in the paper at the end of them.]

I'm sorry. I just can't write about what happened between a certain two idiots in that bush. I'm scarred for life. Anyway, I burnt it down.

Mikki cured Sig's curse (it seems dispelling curses is her strong point), and since he's still asleep, I suggest we drop him off at home. Apparently though he doesn't have any home outside of the school dorms, and we all know what that would mean - so instead, we take him to Rider's house. I exchange some relationship advice with Rider on the way, or at least try to - it's a bit difficult when your crush is overhearing and interrupting your conversation.

Just before we make it to Rider's house, Sig wakes up, and Rider takes about as long to ask him out as she does with her Puyo chains. Well, I don't blame her for this one at least. Sig responds positively, almost immediately, in his usual aloof way, and they hug. If only it was that easy!

But the adorable couple's antics are interrupted soon after, as they attempt to enter Rider's house only to notice someone's inside... and it's none other than Accord! That monster! They can't even be safe at Rider's home?! We're running out of places, so I chip in and suggest they stay over at my place, even though it's only a beach hut. Hopefully it'll stay secure and isolated enough from Accord, or things are going to get real tricky. The bell rings almost as soon as we've closed the door, but thankfully for once it's not Accord... just some [[Nohoho|stupid frog salesman]]. Of course, we turn down his dodgy wares, before sitting down to think about our plans for the future.

== Page 4 ==
We try and figure out how we should meet up with the others again, but before we can do any of that, Seriri phones me, saying she's near Satan's favorite Sushi shack. I leave Rider and Sig at the hut after making sure they're alright, and fly over to where Seriri and co are to bring them back to our new base of operations.

Seriri explains what happened, namely, that that damn teacher is not only plotting to kill us, but bribing her most loyal students into doing her dirty work for her! That's "[[Klug]]", "[[Raffine]]" and "[[Tarutaru]]"... I don't know who any of them are, but, ugh. It seems we only even got this information because Klug couldn't bring himself to... to kill Amitie who's the one that told us, since apparently he might be in love with her.

We spend a while discussing how to survive, and figure that with Rider, Amitie and Sig around, we should be able to, er, ''distract'' the bribed students. As for Accord... well, she'll have to go through me!

Then we go to sleep. Well, we try to, but Sig wakes up and wants curry. So we have some curry.

Then we go to sleep. Well, we try to, but Kikimora shows up and offers her cleaning services. Really, door-to-door marketing this late in the evening? Anyway, she gets trampled by [[door cattle]].

Then we go to sleep. [[LIKE, FINALLY]].

I miiiiiiight have tried a few advances on Arle while we were at it...

We have breakfast, then we all decide to take Arle out somewhere. But Arle turns down our kind offer, reminding us of the events of last night and just how much our lives are in danger.

== Pages 5 and 6 ==

The day starts with more depressing discussions about how we'd all die if we don't go fight Accord. Apparently there's a scary purple-haired girl called Feli who's capable of helping us, but she'd have no reason to...

I suddenly notice [[Mario is Missing|Amitie is missing]]. Seriri takes a pessimistic viewpoint, while Mitsuki is unconcerned as usual and wants to help look for her on sole account of her possibly liking blueberry muffins. Apparently, Amitie went home, and... home is where the Magic School is... The Magic School?!

Of course, of course, that's Accord's territory. We can't waste any time... we've gotta go look for her!

Sig and Rider once again stay behind, while Arle, Mikki, Mitsuki and Seriri come with me - even though Seriri has to levitate the entire way, which seems pretty exhausting for a [[mermaid]].

We arrive at a set of stairs that a miniature [[Dragon]] is rudely blocking. Apparently, we can't creep past it, or even go find another route... no, we HAVE to wake the dragon and deal with it. It starts biting at Mitsuki, saying she tastes like blueberry muffin. Mitsuki responds by casting Thunder, and I try to help by throwing a fireball at it, but of course, dragons aren't exactly weak to fire. Arle even uses her own Thunder spell on it too, but none of our attacks do much to it. Eventually, Seriri starts playing a lullaby to get it to fall asleep again, ''away'' from the stairs this time. Thank goodness that's over, but it's a little worrying we can't even deal with a Dragon with force...

The rest of the trip is uneventful, and we arrive to find an unconscious Amitie on the ground outside the front of the school, covered in bruises, cuts and other signs of torture. Accord appears from one of the school doors, and pulls out a [[Golden Axe]], claiming she hasn't finished punishing poor Amitie yet. But suddenly [[Nanako|a mysterious purple-haired woman]] appears and fires [[CFIS|a giant laser]] at Accord, sending her smashing into a brick wall. Accord unleashes [[Panotty|a minion]], which is quickly disposed of with a rocket, and then [[Zoh Daimaoh|an elephant]], who is sent reeling over said wall by [[MPFB|another giant laser]]. All this from one mysterious person? Now this is the kind of firepower we need!

Before we can even get her name though, she kicks Accord in the face, causing the corrupt teacher to evaporate and fade away, before she teleports away herself. I'm not sure whether she was deliberately trying to save us, or Amitie, or was there for some other reason, but in any case, Amitie's safe, and I carry her back to the hut, letting her rest.

== Page 7 ==

I don't know how it happened - I must have been not looking at the door or something - but this fat guy suddenly burst into my home! Everyone who knows him immediately identifies him as [[Tarutaru]], one of Accord's minions that Seriri was telling us about. And this guy is so pushy! He starts asking for our fridge, and then for Rider... Let's just say I do my best to try to get rid of him. Seriri tries to settle things amicably, but I won't have it. Not with one of Accord's minions.

Speaking of Accord, now SHE shows up... well, at least she knocked on the door this time like a sensible person. Mikki instantly starts trying to fight her, and I have to hold her back from blowing up my hut (which turns out to be futile, as you'll see in a minute). She brought her dumb cat with her again, who tries to start setting up his just as dumb game again, though he doesn't get far 'cause I kept interrupting him. I'm TRYING to get all these unwanted intruders outta my home, damnit!

Mitsuki gets fed up, too, being unable to concentrate on her [[meditation]] due to all the commotion, and throws a lightning bolt at Accord and Popoi. Rider catches on too and sends one at Tarutaru. Sig doesn't like this though, and tries to defend Tarutaru and Accord. Eventually he blows up, taking my poor hut with him, and the entire beach as well.

I don't remember what happened next, but when I wake up, Sig's still here and is telling me that Rider's gone. I briefly fly off to search for her, luckily she hasn't gone far though and after a bit of comforting she comes back to the beach with me.

And to leave this page on a weird note, Amitie finally wakes up too, and for whatever insane reason Sig decides to start splashing water all over her. So much water that we can now all see straight through her clothes. While Rider's busy forgiving him for his nonsense, I decide to leave everyone alone for a while, contemplating what I'll do about my homelessness...

== Page 8 ==

[This page intentionally left blank, as an indication of just how long I went walking for... ah, my poor soles...]

== Page 9 ==

I finally walked back to my hut.

Wait, what hut? Wasn't it blown up by Sig a few hours ago?

Well, Mikki's there, and quickly explains she summoned it back for me! It's even had an indoor waterway added, presumably for Seriri.

I give her a hug and thank her, but we're quickly interrupted by another new girl, who talks weird and introduces herself as [[Ringo]]. She then mentions another new person, [[Ekoro]], who likes to make [[riddle]]s. Seriri joins in as well, quoting his entire riddle. I don't know how she managed to remember it verbatim, I certainly couldn't write it down here, all I remember is it had a ton of rhymes in it, and he even worked my name into it at the end. How does he know me? I've never heard of the guy! Seriri's right to be scared of him for that...

...oh, right. There was that discussion about Accord, and then she showed up, and then I incinerated her...

...I thought I was doing a good thing, but... after that, I just started to feel sick. That madwoman was torturing Seriri, and Sig, and Rider... she was threatening our ''lives''. So wasn't it right to kill her?

We all spend a while crying over it, and I don't well remember what happened next. But Mikki finally cheered us up by suggesting we rename the AAA to something more appropriate, and we ended up deciding upon "[[ADMA]]" - the Anti Dark Magic Alliance. Speaking of which, where even did the AAA name come from in the first place?

We didn't have much time to mope around though, as for what feels like the hundredth time this week another stranger lets themself into my hut to cause trouble. Ringo confirms it's Ekoro, and he spends the next ten minutes rhyming instead of answering any of our questions... and then creates a massive portal. At first it seems we can just about hold on, but one by one we eventually get sucked in!

But, thankfully, our fears for our lives this time are unwarranted, as the portal takes us... back to the Madou world! Our home!

The rhyming weirdo's still there, though, and he interrupts our celebrations to tell us that he's revived the guy called Klug, and that we should go get to the top of a castle in the distance to make sure he doesn't die again. Having never met him myself, I figure he never died anyway and that it's a bluff and a trap. Arle's more concerned about whether Satan's there, which makes sense given it looks an awful lot like Satan's Castle. In any case, it seems we have to make our way there for one reason or another...

(to be continued)