Icelandic (ConceptTopic, 5)

From Compile Worlds

Icelandic is the hardest fucking language on the whole damn planet. It is a Scandinavian language, which means it rapes you, your mother, and your dog. It is spoken on some isolated island somewhere (also known to some as Iceland). If you can speak Icelandic, you can do just about anything.

History

Icelandic came from Old Norse, the oldest most badass language in the world. It sounds like Faroese and Danish, two other badass languages. However, it doesn't sound ugly like Danish. It also isn't impossible to pronounce like Faroese. Still, the Danes couldn't keep their greasy hands off of it. It is now spoken in Denmark because they wanted an excuse for not using their own damn language. Of course, the U.S.A. did their part and more by allowing people to speak it there as well.

Pronunciation

Vowels

The vowels are the sexiest sounds in Icelandic. When pronounced correctly, it is as if multiple orgasms are spewing from your mouth. There are some gay new alphabet letters to memorize, which all are a bitch to type:

á, é, í, ú, ó, þ, and ð.

The first is pronounced like 'OW!', as if you just dropped a sledge hammer on your dick. The second, 'YEs'. Third, like the 'e' in "BEOTCH!". The fourth, 'cOOl'. The fifth, the 'oh' in "oh shit!". The last are pronounced as "THink" and "THis" respectively.

Consonants

For the record, the last two aren't vowels. A baby with Down's Syndrome could figure that one out. So why did I put them there? Simply to piss you off. If you really must know how to pronounce the consonants, look up a pronunciation guide. This isn't a site based on fact.

Grammar

NOTE: This section is not for pussies; if you are one, turn back now

Well, shit. Where do I start? Icelandic grammar is retarded beyond belief.