DVD (InstanceTopic, 9)

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Latest revision as of 21:43, 29 December 2013

4chan releases the first DVD,
Caturday July 22, 1944

DVDs are plastic plates with really REALLY small pictures on them. These pictures are enlarged and projected onto a glass plate also known as a television 60 times a second.

DVD technology was developed by 4chan founder Adolf Hitler in order to redistribute videos of kittens to members. On Caturday 22nd, July 1944, the first DVD was released for the DVD-chan rev. 1 DVD playback system.

Popular DVD players

DVD-chan

4chan's first DVD playback device was called the DVD-chan. The DVD-chan was a complex series of tubes that allowed you to watch betamax videotapes as well as DVDs on your television set - this made it the prime platform for videos in the coming years. However, DVD-chan was discontinued when it was found to have over 9000 secretly accessible CP videos stored inside of the player.

Microsoft PlayDVD4

In response to the DVD-chan discontinuation, many clones were spawned. The most notable of which was Microsoft PlayDVD4, the sequel to Microsoft PlayDVD. PlayDVD4 introduced new annoying features like menus and region protection, many of which are still around today.

Many are confused about the number 4. Finally today, Microsoft has revealed that the 4 was the number of bits in the processor. Previously, PlayDVD had only a 2-bit processor. This wasn't easy to figure out via a hammer because anyone who looks on the firmware would find that PlayDVD4 has a System2 and a SysDOD4 - which makes no sense, since SysDOD4 contains 2-bit files but System2 contains 4-bit files.

Microsoft PlayDVD4, unlike PlayDVD, included Audio for the first time since DVD-chan Uproar! 1000.

Toshiba DVDoom

The very most notable clone of DVD-chan was the Toshiba DVDoom. The DVDoom implemented all of the features of Microsoft PlayDVD4 and included greyscale output, allowing for true 8-bit shades of black to appear on your screen. A step up from PlayDVD's 1-bit display, it rivaled the quality of DVD-chan itself.

In addition, DVDoom included a set of controls on the front of the box. It weighed about the same size as the smallest DVD-chan of the same featureset, the DVD-chan Loli, yet cost a price about the same as the DVD-chan Neko.

Sony CircleMotion

By far the most notable knockoff of DVD-chan was Sony CircleMotion. Geared directly toward profit, like DVDoom, it was specifically made for bad porn movies. It included more annoying DRM than Spore and a slower GUI than Windows Vista on a Pentium 3 (maybe even as slow as Windows ME on one).

Sony CircleMotion was the first DVD player to support color, other than the rare DVD-chan YiffGrapher.

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DVD player

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-{{Image|http://img13.imageshack.us/img13/6155/dvdz.png|4chan releases the first DVD,<br/>[[Caturday]] 22nd, July 1944}}
+<[#ontology [kind topic] [cats Optical_disc]]>
-'''DVD'''s are plastic plates with [[your penis|really REALLY small]] pictures on them. These pictures are enlarged and projected onto a glass plate also known as a Television 60 times a second.
+{{Image|<[#embed [hash G060YCFY1N4DYGPKJFPQPAQXKR] [height 210]]>|4chan releases the first DVD,<br/>[[Caturday]] [[July 22]], [[1944]]}}
-DVD [[DRM|technology]] was developed by [[4chan]] founder [[Adolf Hitler]] in order to redistribute videos of kittens to members. On [[Caturday]] 22nd, July 1944, the first DVD was released for the [[DVD-chan]] rev. 1 DVD playback system.
+'''DVD'''s are plastic plates with really REALLY small pictures on them. These pictures are enlarged and projected onto a glass plate also known as a [[television]] 60 times a second.
+DVD technology was developed by [[4chan]] founder [[Adolf Hitler]] in order to redistribute videos of [[kitten]]s to members. On [[Caturday]] 22nd, July 1944, the first DVD was released for the [[DVD-chan]] rev. 1 DVD playback system.
 == Popular DVD players ==
 === DVD-chan ===
-chan's first DVD playback device was called the [[DVD-chan]]. The DVD-chan was a complex series of tubes that allowed you to watch [[betamax]] videotapes as well as DVDs on your [[television set]] - this made it the prime platform for [[pornography]] in the coming years. However, DVD-chan was discontinued when it was found to have [[over 9000]] secretly accessible [[cp]] videos stored inside of the player.
+chan's first DVD playback device was called the [[DVD-chan]]. The DVD-chan was a complex [[series of tubes]] that allowed you to watch [[betamax]] videotapes as well as DVDs on your [[television set]] - this made it the prime platform for videos in the coming years. However, DVD-chan was discontinued when it was found to have [[over 9000]] secretly accessible CP videos stored inside of the player.
 === Microsoft PlayDVD4 ===
 In response to the DVD-chan discontinuation, many clones were spawned. The most notable of which was [[Microsoft]] [[PlayDVD4]], the sequel to Microsoft [[PlayDVD]]. PlayDVD4 introduced new annoying features like menus and region protection, many of which are still around today.
-Many are confused about the number [[4]]. Finally today, [[Microsoft]] has revealed that the 4 was the [[bittage]] of the processor. Previously, PlayDVD had only a 2-bit processor. This wasn't easy to figure out via a hammer because anyone who looks on the firmware would find that PlayDVD4 has a System2 and a SysDOD4 - which makes no fucking sense, since SysDOD4 contains 2-bit files but System2 contains 4-bit files.
+Many are confused about the number [[4]]. Finally today, [[Microsoft]] has revealed that the 4 was the number of bits in the processor. Previously, PlayDVD had only a 2-bit processor. This wasn't easy to figure out via a hammer because anyone who looks on the firmware would find that PlayDVD4 has a System2 and a SysDOD4 - which makes no sense, since SysDOD4 contains 2-bit files but System2 contains 4-bit files.
 Microsoft PlayDVD4, unlike PlayDVD, included Audio for the first time since [[DVD-chan Uproar! 1000]].
-=== Toshiba DVDildo ===
+=== Toshiba DVDoom ===
-The very most notable clone of DVD-chan was the [[Toshiba]] [[DVDildo]]. The DVDildo implemented all of the features of Microsoft PlayDVD4 and included greyscale output, allowing for true 8-bit shades of black to appear on your screen. A step up from PlayDVD's 1-bit display, it rivaled the quality of DVD-chan itself.
+The very most notable clone of DVD-chan was the [[Toshiba]] [[DVDoom]]. The DVDoom implemented all of the features of Microsoft PlayDVD4 and included greyscale output, allowing for true 8-bit shades of black to appear on your screen. A step up from PlayDVD's 1-bit display, it rivaled the quality of DVD-chan itself.
-In addition, DVDildo included a set of controls on the front of the box. It weighed about the same size as the smallest DVD-chan of the same featureset, the [[DVD-chan Loli]], yet cost a price about the same as the [[DVD-chan Neko]].
-=== Sony CuntMotion ===
+In addition, DVDoom included a set of controls on the front of the box. It weighed about the same size as the smallest DVD-chan of the same featureset, the [[DVD-chan Loli]], yet cost a price about the same as the [[DVD-chan Neko]].
-By far the most notable knockoff of DVD-chan was [[Sony]] [[CuntMotion]]. Geared directly toward [[profit]], like DVDildo, it was specifically made for [[porn]]. It included more annoying [[DRM]] than [[Spore]] and a slower GUI than [[Windows Vista]] on a Pentium 3. (Maybe even as slow as [[Windows ME]] on a Pentium 3!)
-Sony CuntMotion was the first DVD player to support color other than the rare [[DVD-chan YiffGrapher]].
+=== Sony CircleMotion ===
+By far the most notable knockoff of DVD-chan was [[Sony]] [[CircleMotion]]. Geared directly toward [[profit]], like DVDoom, it was specifically made for bad porn movies. It included more annoying [[DRM]] than [[Spore]] and a slower GUI than [[Windows Vista]] on a [[Pentium 3]] (maybe even as slow as [[Windows ME]] on one).
-[[Category:DVD technology|*]]
+Sony CircleMotion was the first DVD player to support color, other than the rare [[DVD-chan YiffGrapher]].